
As the end of January approaches how are you doing with your great ‘mind set change’, all on track and feeling positive (good for you)or it’s all messed up and your back to all your old habits and thinking patterns!
Without wanting to teach you to suck eggs do you even understand what your ‘mind set’ is or are you caught up with all the buzz words of the marketing gurus thinking ‘this must be what I need to do’ and believing if I spend ’14, 21, 30′ days working on this EVERYTHING will change for me forever???
Here’s the truth – for everyone their journey for change is individual and although changes can start to take effect within a number of weeks in reality it takes at least six to nine months of continual everyday effort, with the first few months being the hardest, before change can really become your new normal!
Have you ever stopped to think about your mindset and how it got to where it is, depending on your age you’ve had a number of decades thinking in a certain way so it’s no wonder that the truth to change is time and consistency, is it?
95% of our behaviour occurs out of habit, either unconsciously or in reaction to life’s situations. Often people default to their usual habits, even when they know those habits make them feel like crap but more often than not it’s that they are stuck in a rut and don’t know how to get out of it, that’s why we struggle to make changes that truly last.
So even when the need for change is obvious and our intentions are strong, we often fall short – sound familiar?
Without the right support and accountability, this habitual cycle will continue to return.
If you recognise any or all of the above in yourself then you probably lean towards a ‘fixed mindset’ where you tend to dwell on your failures and judge yourself too harshly. Maybe you even view setbacks as a reason to give up rather than start again.
To overcome it all you need to first accept it otherwise you will never change your repetitive behaviours and habits, again this takes time, patience and practice to…
1: Acknowledge and embrace your imperfections! By admitting vulnerabilities and accepting your faults, it will give you a more accurate view of yourself and really start to help you improve.
2: View challenges as opportunities rather than barriers; we often look at situations in all-or-nothing terms. If you’re faced with a situation where you think you have previously failed, or one in which you lack expertise, you might either try to avoid it or throw yourself in at the deep end.
When the best approach is to gradually expose yourself to the situation so that you can learn to tolerate your feelings of anxiety and understand your performance (good and bad). Break it all down into doable actions so for example if you fear being seen in public, then it probably doesn’t make sense to sign up for a huge event where hundreds of people will be watching you, does it? Instead take any opportunities to place yourself into smaller groups over a few months. Each time, reflect upon your experience, acknowledge the positives, but also identify the negative areas for improvement. Over time this process will become easier and eventually habitual.
3: Reframe your negative thinking!
Listen to and reflect upon any feedback you receive that you perceive to be negative. In many cases, we tend to defend ourselves before we have taken time to learn from ‘criticism’.
If your coach has highlighted that you aren’t doing things in the right way you should try to gain a better understanding of this and trust that they know what they are talking about rather than telling yourself you’ll never get it and putting up objections for why you can’t try (you’re not strong enough/fast enough/as good as everyone else). Instead listen to the advice, ask questions (no question is ever a stupid one) to help you understand then take small simple steps for you to improve, break it down into do-able actions that don’t scare you and then practice; allowing you to use criticism or ‘advice’ constructively!
4: Use the word ‘yet’!
Adding yet at the end of a sentence implies work in progress rather than a definitive conclusion. For example, “I haven’t learned how to do a full press up yet” rather than “I can’t do a full press up”.
Equally, replacing the word “failing” with “learning” these simple language changes encourage you to view self-development as progress in action rather than a final judgment of your ‘in-capabilities.’
5: Take risks in the presence of others!
It’s very common to believe that you should appear infallible. But really you should be granting yourself permission to mess up. You will put yourself under less pressure and it will help you to create a solid foundation for change!
So, when you feel like stopping, think why you started. Changing your ‘mind set’ or building a new habit takes time, determination and repetitive action; keep focused and be determined!
Working on your Mind set is like having a pet…it’s not just for Christmas it’s for life!